guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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