I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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