I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
