If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
