Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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