he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
