took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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