Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
