They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
