Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
