I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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