He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
