ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
