So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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