just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
