where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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