That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
