Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish there were birth control emojis
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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