"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
