bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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