I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
