U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had to cum in my sink.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
