Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
