i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
