I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
