so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
