fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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