if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
