I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
