My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
