I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
