we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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