is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
