Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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