I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
