You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
