i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
