Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
