who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
