I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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