did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
