If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
