Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
