no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
