I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
