at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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