the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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