I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
