just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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