the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
