i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
