Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
