Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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