my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
