Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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