We won't sleep together?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize