it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize