Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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