My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
