If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
