Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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