So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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