Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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