he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
