It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
