This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
