i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
