don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
