At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
